Aimee Smith

THE LUCKY ARTIST – FEAR IN THE CREATIVE PROCESS

Every time I make a new work there are always tears somewhere along the way.
I begin a process, an idea, with such excitement, enthusiasm, and rigour. And then, as I delve into it and try to find its shape I become anxious, uncertain and questioning. There is always a point in the process at which I loose all perspective, where I feel completely lost and uncertain of myself, my ideas, and why I am attempting to do what I do. Once the work finds its shape ad is ‘completed’ the initial excitement floods back, along with a satisfaction of having found a form to voice myself and the ideas I feel most passionately about. The journey on the way though, this uncertain place, is so painful(!) and I have often wondered if I can find an easier pathway through it. Can I soften the process, or soften myself to not take it on so much, so personally, so emotionally. Can I be able to enjoy the process of questioning and uncertainty and let go of the panic of control-less-ness I feel, and that I find so challenging.

But then recently I have come to the conclusion that perhaps, in some ways, this process is natural, and powerful. When do people get the chance, on a regular basis in their lives, to question themselves, their ideas or their society, and to have the opportunity, the structure, or the form to question and re-assess in a ‘safe’ way? Usually these moments occur at turning points in one’s life, often following a disaster or tragic event. But I, as an artist, get to go through the process, or am forced to go through the process, on a regular basis. This shedding of skin, of gaining a stronger understanding of oneself, one’s place in the world and one’s sense of truth, happiness and purpose is an incredible gift offered to the life of an artist.