Aimee Smith

PROLOGUE
As a child I used go for morning runs with my dad during my summer holidays. He used to say hello to everyone we passed. And everyone would say hi back. I remember the wonderful feeling in my heart when this occurred. I felt connected to a community. I felt that people were good. And I thought my dad the most kind and trusting person in the world.

THE NON-LOOK
As a western woman entering into an Indian culture I wasn’t sure where to look. So to be safe I turned on my ‘non-look’ that I have refined so skillfully over the years. Its that look where you glaze out into the distance, appearing to be present in the world around you but avoiding all direct eye contact. The “I am confident but too busy, too involved, too distracted to look at you” look. Almost any stranger I walk past in the street at home knows how to give this look. In my country, to acknowledge a stranger on the street with a non-obtrusive head nod is one thing, but to look them in the eye for any length of time, and with sincerity, is unthinkable. And then, to say hello or engage in a conversation, well that’s just downright ludicrous! What is it that sets up this barrier? Are we too busy for other people who do not have a direct part to play in our lives? Are we scared? Do we assume the worst in everyone’s character, a fear drilled into us from Primary School when we’re taught about ‘stranger-danger’?

Anyway, I came into this country (India) warned that ‘all men think you’re flirting with them if you look them in the eye or smile’, and so like a good western woman I brought my well trained ‘non-look’ with me and tried it out a couple of times. But firstly, what a load of bollocks that turned out to be. People are people are people. And as a new person entering into a new community all I wanted to do was to really look. I wanted to show respect to these people and their land, to show my gratitude, like any guest does. How rude it would be not to look. So, after some hesitation, I opened my eyes and actually looked, and the world opened up to me. I was seeing. I was learning. I was sharing. I was understanding. It made sense to acknowledge the other, especially because I am the outsider, the stranger.
So now I am walking around with open eyes everywhere I go and am meeting the most wonderful faces and hearts. And it makes me wonder what might happen if I did this at home?