Adventures In India


23 August, 2008



Warning: This entry may appear as self-indulgent. I had made an agreement with myself to keep a blog of my 3 month residency here at Darpana as I knew it would be an experience that would bring up interesting thoughts about art and life and they ways in which they connect and interact. And so I have written pages and pages to myself the past few days and then self-edited until there was nothing left that I felt worthy for public eyes. Then I watched a performance piece made here at Darpana by another foreign woman, an Italian, called ‘Western Woman’,s that was in essence a monologue of her emotional journey being here in India which I connected with so strongly that it brought me to tears. And so I decided that this ‘self-indulgent’ tangent I have been on with my writing this week may in fact contain more than is assumed at first glance. So I write…..

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I have been in this country for 7 days now. It is my first time to India, a place for which I have always held great curiosity, but never ventured. This first week has been both unsettling and settling all at once. It has been a bombardment of actions, of people, of information, of unfamiliarity, but most of all of emotions and thoughts swirling through my head and heart.
It has been an extreme week.
A week of educating myself on the ways of the world here. Of working out where my boundaries are, where I can push and where I need to fall into line. Or more precisely, where are the lines?
It has been a week of meeting some wonderful, fascinating and inspiring people. Darpana is an incredible institution in that it attracts perhaps the most forward thinking, humane and just human beings in this state. I have already had many political and social conversations with people I have only just met. These people are open and warm and have passionate views and dreams of the world that match mine. The work of the company continues to impress me, in its scope, its impact, its bravery and its intelligence of head and heart. They are taking positive action in meaningful ways every day.
And then there has been the extremities of my emotions. Of loneliness, of fear, of being the ‘outsider’, of questioning my place and purpose here, of wondering what exactly it is I have to offer. The idea of 3 months in this foreign place seems at times like an eternity, with no familiar distractions – a home with no tv, no internet, no windows, no cd player, and a barely functioning toilet. I have felt naked without my luxuries. I have felt dirty and unsafe without my “axaj” and crisp white kitchen benchtops. And I have felt ridiculous for thinking such things! But slowly I have also felt myself relax over the week into the rhythm of this life, to find space and comfort in this way of living. And it is a good feeling.

So at the end of this first week I am a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Still the idea of 3 months here in some ways overwhelms me, and in other ways excites me. I have moments of fear, moments of loneliness, I have moments of inspiration, moments of awe, moments of connection, moments of excitement, and I have many questions…mainly…. What will I do here? What do I have to contribute? This is the challenge to come.





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